Marmot abuse in verse

RMBL has been doing a lot of art-science fusion recently and this year there's a semi-regular poetry slam.  The other week Drew Freed threw down a lovely (but, a'hem, mis-guided) poem about the golden-mantled ground squirrels that live here and are also the subject of study.  To set the record straight, squirrels LOVE marmots--they listen to and respond to their alarm calls and they don't eat the same foods so that there's no love lost between them.

Here's Drew's poem.

Thoughts from a Ground Squirrel

By Drew Freed

Psh, you humans, where is the love?

We all know that RMBL’s marmot biased enough

Maybe the perception that you get from above

Makes you forget the little guys and it’s tough

Marmot posters here, marmot t-shirts there

But mention ground squirrels, nobody even cares

The lesser known Sciuridae

Is takin’ the spotlight today

This dis will make the marmots pay

It’s a full on war I say!

Let’s start:

You’re a fat, ugly, lazy squirrel

Just a squeakin’ yellow-bellied terrified little girl

And this next one might send marmoteers into shocks

But you can’t even protect your pups from one mangy fox!?

Oooh, did I hit a soft spot, too soon?

Well it wouldn’t be a problem if you weren’t a buffoon

And I get it, when people see you, they all say aww

But everything I do is cute, and I don’t take a day off

You like to get a rock and lay around

Or spend time sleeping underground

But my day is spent collecting nuts

And berries, insects, avoiding hawks

We stuff our cheeks before our guts

Run on all fours while you sit on your butts

You like to eat our dandelions, steal our food!?

No wonder the marmots put me in a bad mood

And for all that belly, what you got to show?

Your alarm call is weak, that chirp everybody knows

But enough about the marmots, that contest I put to rest

When it comes to glorified groundhogs, RMBL is obsessed

Sorry if I offended, got that off my furry chest

But if you’re talkin’ squirrels, better believe I’m the best.